Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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