he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
