well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
