I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
