that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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