I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
