i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hippo gnu deer
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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