I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've blown a few things in my day
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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