Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
