He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
