Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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