After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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