Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
