I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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