need another drink. this is the easiest way
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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