when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think your dad took our porno
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
