Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
