We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
