***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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