Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
