these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
