Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
