Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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