I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
