Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
