i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
