can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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