I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
