You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Randomize
