there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
