He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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