i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
