The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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