he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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