I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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