did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I didn't notice because vodka
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
