She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
