You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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