That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
