His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
