I think my fart just growled at me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
