I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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