when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
