try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
