Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
