It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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