So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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