so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
