There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
