Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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