Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
