I faked an abortion last night.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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