So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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