Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
