I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
