all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
