gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
