I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize