Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
