It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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