talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She said her name was "party"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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