I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
