I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
it hurts more in the daytime
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
