If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize