She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
