I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
operation harelip BJ is a go
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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