You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
